Comma of the day.

Glad that you girls came. I enjoyed a lot a lot chatting with you girls online yesterday. It's been quite some time since we can catch all of us 3 sitting in front of computer and typing without worries. I felt so much better after that. I'm actually quite blue these days, feeling very mentally tired. There's a lot of things bothering me, which make me really out of direction, which makes me don't know how to make things better. It's not that I'm not trying nor gave up in trying, but no matter which ways it turns, it still looks like things are not going any better. Accumulating, I really feel sometimes to leave everything behind and escape. I do not want to hurt anyone, I really don't.

After stepping into the life of college, after leaving home and  outside, I grew, I learned to talk to myself more instead. I solved many things myself, I learned how to hide my feelings, I learned how to control the battle between my heart and mind, I don't seek for people as often to tell them everything that I'm facing or I'm feeling. I try talking to myself instead, I tell myself, even if I tell them, they cant help it too, they'll just be able to be our listeners who makes us feel better for a little while after expressing. After all, you're still the one who need to face it. So I decided not to bring the troubles to them, as it sometimes happens that when we tell friends our troubles and they're not able to help us, they'll feel bad too. I don't want this to happen.

But all my 'mental problems' sink for a while during that few hours of chatting. I laughed, I joked, I teased. We as human always tend to find ways to exit from the trouble or do things to let yourselves feel better am I right, even if the happiness is short and temporary.
I'm just feeling so glad to grow in Kuala Pilah,  this small town as I've got to know a bunch of true friends that grew up, and matured together in the same class since primary up to high school and same even in the same university now. I believe the saying of 'Frienship Forever.' :)

Proudly introduce to you , KNS - Kah Ying, Nancy & Sara. :p hahaha (Form 3 time I guess) 2008

 A ohmagod photo. Hahaa. 2010

2011.

2012 Chinese New Year.

And my choir family which I always keep deep inside my heart. :)

 I designed this shirt ;p

Photo taken together with the prince after our choir has performed in the palace of Negeri Sembilan during the Pertabalan of Yamtuan of Negeri Sembilan :) 

Form 3 Interact Conference.

17th Birthday :)

The guys group during my 18th Birthday.

Steamboat gathering in a random weekend :) 2011

2012

#Cant wait to see them again tonight. I hope that the laughter and the jokes will fill the sorrows in me and I'll get better tomorrow. I know that after today, tomorrow will be easier and after tomorrow, the day after will be even more easy :)

Live for the sake of others.

Today's lesson : Live for the sake of others.

Until today, after reading the teaching and the principles, I've realized that I was so wrong all these while. Well, my actual purpose of living was actually correct but I was wrong in my way of expressing, I even consoled people wrongly.

I always used to say that we study for ourselves not others. I'm doing that for myself, not studying to please others. But, it wasn't suppose to be that way. Although in my heart my intention, the energy that pulls me forward when I face hardships and challenges is my family, though my main purpose of working that hard in studies to achieve my dreams is actually to bring a better and comfortable life for my family, I should always keep in mind that yeah, what I'm doing is for the sake of others. I mean, every moment I'm working hard, I should be thinking that I'm doing this for the sake of them, the society, the nation. It should be right that way. Everything that we do shouldn't be self- centered, individualism but for others, the universe.

Parents are the center of the family because they work hard for the sake of their children; the president is chosen to be the center of the country because he works the hardest for the sake of the people, the nation; a principal of the school is chosen as the center of a school because he or she needs to carry the responsibility to work for the sake of the teachers and students. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. The law of universe is actually to live for the sake of others, working for the sake of others. By doing that, everything will come in together, united, happiness arises, and love's in the air, world is beautiful.

Lesson learned, so it's time to practice. :)

After all

Nothing better than sitting at the living room with the pajamas and the wind blowing from the spinning fan. The peace and tranquility that is so familiar to me, the quiet that will never be awkward to me. I have to accept the fact that I'm a mummy&daddygurl. 

I skipped the orientation and I'm home.

I moved into the rented house in Sg Long two days ago. But being totally alone, the strange feelings overwhelmed me and made me extremely emotionally unstable. I realized that what fears me more isn't the feeling of loneliness but the strange feelings when you're alone at a place that you've never been before, without anyone that you know with you. I mean, totally independent. And what makes me rage it's for myself, for not having the courage to step out of my room since my mum left me, for to have milk for all the 3 meals as dare not go out and explore myself, and for being super restless and lost when got to know that non of my friends or people that I know were going for the orientation. I got very stressed up, lost and I broke down. I cried and I fell asleep. Sometimes, I really hate the fact that I sorta need to depend, rely on people. I was once a very very introverted person, will naturally remain very quiet when I'm exposed to people that I do not know, or when I'm at places that is new to me. But these years I'm making my best effort to get out of that cage and try to react boldly in all kind of situations. But sometimes I so bad as if I've not grown up.

Anyhow, I wanna dearly thank my mum for being my heroin . She arranged everything for me, and thoroughly did everything that one can do, or I would say more than that. The night before I gotta move to Sg Long I was super tired as I just got back from PJ. I kept my things but didnt finish the work completely. I was super exhausted and sister asked me to go to bed and continue my work the next day as I was only leaving at afternoon. The next morning, when I came down, I was literally surprised to see the boxes with everything nicely arranged. Oven, washed tables and chairs, tupperwares with milo, tea packs all neatly arranges, milk, confleks, everything. I was so touched that my tears came to eyes immediately. I was wondering how late did she stay up to prepare me all that despite she had to got up early for work. Thanks mom. I got your steadfast love. I am more than blessed. That's nothing I can complain more about my life, I don't wanna do that. :')

By the way, seriously needa learn how to depend in no one but yourself Sara. Remember after all, the only 3 people that will always be with you are 'Me', 'Myself' and 'I'.

Continuously bath yourself with the inner unconditional love and you'll not feel lonely though you're alone, remember.

Crown of Glory

" When I doubt people, I feel pain.

When I judge people, it is unbearable.

When I hate people, there is no value to my existence.

Yet if I believe, I am deceived.

If I love, I am betrayed.

Suffering and grieving tonight, my head in my hands.

Am I wrong?
Yes I am wrong.

Even though we are deceived, still believe,

Though we are betrayed, still forgive.
Love completely, even those who hate you.

Wipe your tears away and welcome with a smile

Those who know nothing but deceit,

And those who betray without regret."

Lovelife

It is not the first time that I've planned tons and tons of things to be done during the anticipating holidays but when the holidays approach I'm like do not know what I initially wanted to do. The only thing that I've done excessively is sleeping. Enjoyed the moments of sleeping without the need of setting alarm, without the worries of oversleeping even for 5 minutes that might probably cause me to miss the bus to campus or something. This is so cool. :)

Currently reading the autobiography of Rev Sun Myung Moon as I promised to myself to read. Getting really amazed by his holy spirit, his stubborn attitude is never giving up on things easily no matter how tough is he feeling. He had always been in the brink of death, torturing by Japanese in the prison, the communist but yet He managed to survived himself.

There's one phrase is the book, said by father of Rev Sun which literally attached me, which exactly reflects the situation I'm now, being tricked by people, which is as well bringing commotion to the life of my family and I.

"You can't change the  truth with trickery. Anything that is true will not be dominated by small trick. Anything that is the result of trickery wont go more than a few years before it is exposed." 

And this is exactly what I want to tell you. I wont be holding any enmity towards you, I wont be hating you for the insults and fake rumors that are being spread around, the pain and tears that is caused by your words nor the torment done by you. Despite of all the acts that you've done, I, forgive. BUT I swear that I would do everything to lift up my family. It doesn't matter how long would it takes for me to do so, but I swear I will definitely live a life which is far better than what you're having now, for the glory of my family , I swear. :)

I won't be paying my mind to all of these evil things, life is still beautiful in its way. I still have a lot of much more meaningful things to do. :)

Anyway, had an awesome day with some awesome people in Seremban yesterday. They came all the way from KL and Subang to this one day trip in Seremban. No matter how far is the distance, if there's a will, we're never apart. This is what friends mean :) 

And thanks to be there with us gurl. yay !

* And finally brought you out, ma bday bag :')