Total Investment

If you fight, fight with a plan

Pledge what you will accomplish before God

You must be serious and work as if your failure meant your own death.

You must have an adventurous and challenging life

Pray with your heart united and free of confusion

Do things as if you are crazy

If you do, then I will teach you through revelation

The spirit world is preparing to witness about me

Invest yourself in God’s will as if you are going to die, then you will live

If you are indecisive, you really will die

I am always pushing myself for the sake of God’s will

Sometimes my body is so sick I can hardly bear it

But even if I collapse from fatigue and die that is God’s will too

So I think it is only natural for me to die

Invest every ounce of your energy

When you have invested all of your energy, You are a complete minus before

God, and you will live This is the principle

If you act with absolute faith, God will take care of the rest

Therefore, challenge your own limitations!

-Father Sun Myung MOON-

Feelings Auscultation.

Oppressiveness seems to be with me every moment these days. I don't know how to do better, I don't know how to make it right, I seem to be distracted by negative thinking often, and I feel myself like a body without spirit. Waking up in the morning each day, the the first thing that come across my mind after opening my eyes is, how should I spend today productively, meaningfully. My everyday-morning-wish is, hoping today to catch up faster, concentrate and understand better and most importantly be productive. My lecture sessions are not as much as Foundation, but the workload seems to be exaggeratedly more. And I hate the fact that my pace is always that slow, it takes me lots of time to digest, and the most annoying part is that I seem to be easily distracted by thoughts when I'm doing my job these days. I am no longer studying for myself. I wanna study for God, I wanna study for True Parents, I wanna study for family, for society, for the people. I wanna cure lots of people, I wanna be a caring one that people will seek to whenever they need me, I wanna be someone in future, I don't want fame but I truly wanna spread my love to every needy. I truly truly truly hope that I could do better now, I truly truly hope that I can be really focus and absorb faster. 

I have dreams, I have missions. 

I need strength to overcome my weariness, my emotions, my stress. And, I have to say that I really don't like myself behaving like this these days. I want the cheerful, optimistic, positive, determined me back. 

When I cut my hair I told myself, let's make some changes, let's be stronger girl.

And this is my best refugee, the place that I do not want to leave whenever I get back to hometown. I love dining time, sitting together with family, having some holy songs in the air and enjoying the dinner together. In the past times, having dinner with family wasn't something that you'll truly truly treasure the value within and appreciate it thoroughly. But now, even if it's 10pm, I'll still insist to wait for mum to finish her work to have dinner together. As I'm not able to have meals with them that often now, every meals together means a lot to me.
Appreciate. All of the sudden this recollections make me a little homesick now ouch. I shall truly do my best here to make my time away from them worth it.

-Have faith that YouwillbesomeoneSara.-

Love.

On my way

Listening to Jayesslee's cover, making my night so beautiful. I'm a extreme music and singing lover. Everytime after listening to their covers and voices, it'll definitely make me fall even deeper into music and make me cant help myself from listening the same song again and again. Recalling back, I knew them from their cover, 'Officially Missing You'. It just took me one time to make me wanna learn up that song immediately. And also because of this song, I had alot of sweet memories and experiences. I had my first duet performance in high school with Nancy, singing this song. We also performed this song during choir farewell dinner, which Mr Yong and the prince of Negeri Sembilan, Tunku were around. I again sang this song during the USTAR audition, which brought me luck and I successfully entered to the semi- finals. And also because of this song, many people firmed their believe on, and I sang this song again but in acapella version during 'The Blast Concert', which was my very first performance in collage. :') Beautiful memories, beautiful song- 'Officially Missing You'.
I'm Jayesslee's Super Fans!

***

It's been one week in college being with the identity as a degree student. It's only the first week but the pressure is already here. It's so much different from the foundation life. I always thought that after I'm gone from the tough life in foundation, everything would be must easier and relaxing. No it's not. I'm learning to be independent in life but now I'll need to grow independent in studies too.
There's these words from my Electrotherapy Lecturer, Ms Manisha that really did impinged my consciousness. 'There's no syllables during masters, because you're expected to know everything. And what you're learning now it's only the basics that you must know.' 
These words sorta reminded me of the scenes in the movie of 'Love in Harvard' where the students would go to the library, get one related book and read the book all night without sleep until it finishes then get another, exactly as what lecturer asked us to do. It's like you're fighting with time, the competition between your ability to read and understand with time.This makes me feel like an adult, a responsible student, a future professional. I must really put in my best effort, no procrastination, and seriously determined and keep my positive stubbornness in studies :)


Feeling honored to have known a new pretty sweet friend which is really kind, and whose character and personality suits me. Someone told me before that no matter where you go, there's always one friend among thousand of people that is fated to be your companionship, whose personality is complementary to yours. 
Glad to know you Shilei :)



And for this, this is how Medicine and Health Science students look in campus, - Formal. I'll need to wear like this everyday. The guys would put on their tie and be with their leather shoes which make them look neat and macho whereas girls would look very elegant with their OL look. And this is the reason that made us for the very first outing after coming to Sg Long. We went to Times Square to hunt for formal clothes and we got a couple of them. We chose Times Square as the only bus will pass by Times Square on it's way to Pasar Seni and it'll be the most convenient mall for us. Happy buying but saddening when you look into your purse when youre home. :( Hahaa

Time to fight for dream. I'm on my way.

Love.

Comma of the day.

Glad that you girls came. I enjoyed a lot a lot chatting with you girls online yesterday. It's been quite some time since we can catch all of us 3 sitting in front of computer and typing without worries. I felt so much better after that. I'm actually quite blue these days, feeling very mentally tired. There's a lot of things bothering me, which make me really out of direction, which makes me don't know how to make things better. It's not that I'm not trying nor gave up in trying, but no matter which ways it turns, it still looks like things are not going any better. Accumulating, I really feel sometimes to leave everything behind and escape. I do not want to hurt anyone, I really don't.

After stepping into the life of college, after leaving home and  outside, I grew, I learned to talk to myself more instead. I solved many things myself, I learned how to hide my feelings, I learned how to control the battle between my heart and mind, I don't seek for people as often to tell them everything that I'm facing or I'm feeling. I try talking to myself instead, I tell myself, even if I tell them, they cant help it too, they'll just be able to be our listeners who makes us feel better for a little while after expressing. After all, you're still the one who need to face it. So I decided not to bring the troubles to them, as it sometimes happens that when we tell friends our troubles and they're not able to help us, they'll feel bad too. I don't want this to happen.

But all my 'mental problems' sink for a while during that few hours of chatting. I laughed, I joked, I teased. We as human always tend to find ways to exit from the trouble or do things to let yourselves feel better am I right, even if the happiness is short and temporary.
I'm just feeling so glad to grow in Kuala Pilah,  this small town as I've got to know a bunch of true friends that grew up, and matured together in the same class since primary up to high school and same even in the same university now. I believe the saying of 'Frienship Forever.' :)

Proudly introduce to you , KNS - Kah Ying, Nancy & Sara. :p hahaha (Form 3 time I guess) 2008

 A ohmagod photo. Hahaa. 2010

2011.

2012 Chinese New Year.

And my choir family which I always keep deep inside my heart. :)

 I designed this shirt ;p

Photo taken together with the prince after our choir has performed in the palace of Negeri Sembilan during the Pertabalan of Yamtuan of Negeri Sembilan :) 

Form 3 Interact Conference.

17th Birthday :)

The guys group during my 18th Birthday.

Steamboat gathering in a random weekend :) 2011

2012

#Cant wait to see them again tonight. I hope that the laughter and the jokes will fill the sorrows in me and I'll get better tomorrow. I know that after today, tomorrow will be easier and after tomorrow, the day after will be even more easy :)

Live for the sake of others.

Today's lesson : Live for the sake of others.

Until today, after reading the teaching and the principles, I've realized that I was so wrong all these while. Well, my actual purpose of living was actually correct but I was wrong in my way of expressing, I even consoled people wrongly.

I always used to say that we study for ourselves not others. I'm doing that for myself, not studying to please others. But, it wasn't suppose to be that way. Although in my heart my intention, the energy that pulls me forward when I face hardships and challenges is my family, though my main purpose of working that hard in studies to achieve my dreams is actually to bring a better and comfortable life for my family, I should always keep in mind that yeah, what I'm doing is for the sake of others. I mean, every moment I'm working hard, I should be thinking that I'm doing this for the sake of them, the society, the nation. It should be right that way. Everything that we do shouldn't be self- centered, individualism but for others, the universe.

Parents are the center of the family because they work hard for the sake of their children; the president is chosen to be the center of the country because he works the hardest for the sake of the people, the nation; a principal of the school is chosen as the center of a school because he or she needs to carry the responsibility to work for the sake of the teachers and students. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. The law of universe is actually to live for the sake of others, working for the sake of others. By doing that, everything will come in together, united, happiness arises, and love's in the air, world is beautiful.

Lesson learned, so it's time to practice. :)

After all

Nothing better than sitting at the living room with the pajamas and the wind blowing from the spinning fan. The peace and tranquility that is so familiar to me, the quiet that will never be awkward to me. I have to accept the fact that I'm a mummy&daddygurl. 

I skipped the orientation and I'm home.

I moved into the rented house in Sg Long two days ago. But being totally alone, the strange feelings overwhelmed me and made me extremely emotionally unstable. I realized that what fears me more isn't the feeling of loneliness but the strange feelings when you're alone at a place that you've never been before, without anyone that you know with you. I mean, totally independent. And what makes me rage it's for myself, for not having the courage to step out of my room since my mum left me, for to have milk for all the 3 meals as dare not go out and explore myself, and for being super restless and lost when got to know that non of my friends or people that I know were going for the orientation. I got very stressed up, lost and I broke down. I cried and I fell asleep. Sometimes, I really hate the fact that I sorta need to depend, rely on people. I was once a very very introverted person, will naturally remain very quiet when I'm exposed to people that I do not know, or when I'm at places that is new to me. But these years I'm making my best effort to get out of that cage and try to react boldly in all kind of situations. But sometimes I so bad as if I've not grown up.

Anyhow, I wanna dearly thank my mum for being my heroin . She arranged everything for me, and thoroughly did everything that one can do, or I would say more than that. The night before I gotta move to Sg Long I was super tired as I just got back from PJ. I kept my things but didnt finish the work completely. I was super exhausted and sister asked me to go to bed and continue my work the next day as I was only leaving at afternoon. The next morning, when I came down, I was literally surprised to see the boxes with everything nicely arranged. Oven, washed tables and chairs, tupperwares with milo, tea packs all neatly arranges, milk, confleks, everything. I was so touched that my tears came to eyes immediately. I was wondering how late did she stay up to prepare me all that despite she had to got up early for work. Thanks mom. I got your steadfast love. I am more than blessed. That's nothing I can complain more about my life, I don't wanna do that. :')

By the way, seriously needa learn how to depend in no one but yourself Sara. Remember after all, the only 3 people that will always be with you are 'Me', 'Myself' and 'I'.

Continuously bath yourself with the inner unconditional love and you'll not feel lonely though you're alone, remember.

Crown of Glory

" When I doubt people, I feel pain.

When I judge people, it is unbearable.

When I hate people, there is no value to my existence.

Yet if I believe, I am deceived.

If I love, I am betrayed.

Suffering and grieving tonight, my head in my hands.

Am I wrong?
Yes I am wrong.

Even though we are deceived, still believe,

Though we are betrayed, still forgive.
Love completely, even those who hate you.

Wipe your tears away and welcome with a smile

Those who know nothing but deceit,

And those who betray without regret."