Total Investment

If you fight, fight with a plan

Pledge what you will accomplish before God

You must be serious and work as if your failure meant your own death.

You must have an adventurous and challenging life

Pray with your heart united and free of confusion

Do things as if you are crazy

If you do, then I will teach you through revelation

The spirit world is preparing to witness about me

Invest yourself in God’s will as if you are going to die, then you will live

If you are indecisive, you really will die

I am always pushing myself for the sake of God’s will

Sometimes my body is so sick I can hardly bear it

But even if I collapse from fatigue and die that is God’s will too

So I think it is only natural for me to die

Invest every ounce of your energy

When you have invested all of your energy, You are a complete minus before

God, and you will live This is the principle

If you act with absolute faith, God will take care of the rest

Therefore, challenge your own limitations!

-Father Sun Myung MOON-

Feelings Auscultation.

Oppressiveness seems to be with me every moment these days. I don't know how to do better, I don't know how to make it right, I seem to be distracted by negative thinking often, and I feel myself like a body without spirit. Waking up in the morning each day, the the first thing that come across my mind after opening my eyes is, how should I spend today productively, meaningfully. My everyday-morning-wish is, hoping today to catch up faster, concentrate and understand better and most importantly be productive. My lecture sessions are not as much as Foundation, but the workload seems to be exaggeratedly more. And I hate the fact that my pace is always that slow, it takes me lots of time to digest, and the most annoying part is that I seem to be easily distracted by thoughts when I'm doing my job these days. I am no longer studying for myself. I wanna study for God, I wanna study for True Parents, I wanna study for family, for society, for the people. I wanna cure lots of people, I wanna be a caring one that people will seek to whenever they need me, I wanna be someone in future, I don't want fame but I truly wanna spread my love to every needy. I truly truly truly hope that I could do better now, I truly truly hope that I can be really focus and absorb faster. 

I have dreams, I have missions. 

I need strength to overcome my weariness, my emotions, my stress. And, I have to say that I really don't like myself behaving like this these days. I want the cheerful, optimistic, positive, determined me back. 

When I cut my hair I told myself, let's make some changes, let's be stronger girl.

And this is my best refugee, the place that I do not want to leave whenever I get back to hometown. I love dining time, sitting together with family, having some holy songs in the air and enjoying the dinner together. In the past times, having dinner with family wasn't something that you'll truly truly treasure the value within and appreciate it thoroughly. But now, even if it's 10pm, I'll still insist to wait for mum to finish her work to have dinner together. As I'm not able to have meals with them that often now, every meals together means a lot to me.
Appreciate. All of the sudden this recollections make me a little homesick now ouch. I shall truly do my best here to make my time away from them worth it.

-Have faith that YouwillbesomeoneSara.-

Love.

On my way

Listening to Jayesslee's cover, making my night so beautiful. I'm a extreme music and singing lover. Everytime after listening to their covers and voices, it'll definitely make me fall even deeper into music and make me cant help myself from listening the same song again and again. Recalling back, I knew them from their cover, 'Officially Missing You'. It just took me one time to make me wanna learn up that song immediately. And also because of this song, I had alot of sweet memories and experiences. I had my first duet performance in high school with Nancy, singing this song. We also performed this song during choir farewell dinner, which Mr Yong and the prince of Negeri Sembilan, Tunku were around. I again sang this song during the USTAR audition, which brought me luck and I successfully entered to the semi- finals. And also because of this song, many people firmed their believe on, and I sang this song again but in acapella version during 'The Blast Concert', which was my very first performance in collage. :') Beautiful memories, beautiful song- 'Officially Missing You'.
I'm Jayesslee's Super Fans!

***

It's been one week in college being with the identity as a degree student. It's only the first week but the pressure is already here. It's so much different from the foundation life. I always thought that after I'm gone from the tough life in foundation, everything would be must easier and relaxing. No it's not. I'm learning to be independent in life but now I'll need to grow independent in studies too.
There's these words from my Electrotherapy Lecturer, Ms Manisha that really did impinged my consciousness. 'There's no syllables during masters, because you're expected to know everything. And what you're learning now it's only the basics that you must know.' 
These words sorta reminded me of the scenes in the movie of 'Love in Harvard' where the students would go to the library, get one related book and read the book all night without sleep until it finishes then get another, exactly as what lecturer asked us to do. It's like you're fighting with time, the competition between your ability to read and understand with time.This makes me feel like an adult, a responsible student, a future professional. I must really put in my best effort, no procrastination, and seriously determined and keep my positive stubbornness in studies :)


Feeling honored to have known a new pretty sweet friend which is really kind, and whose character and personality suits me. Someone told me before that no matter where you go, there's always one friend among thousand of people that is fated to be your companionship, whose personality is complementary to yours. 
Glad to know you Shilei :)



And for this, this is how Medicine and Health Science students look in campus, - Formal. I'll need to wear like this everyday. The guys would put on their tie and be with their leather shoes which make them look neat and macho whereas girls would look very elegant with their OL look. And this is the reason that made us for the very first outing after coming to Sg Long. We went to Times Square to hunt for formal clothes and we got a couple of them. We chose Times Square as the only bus will pass by Times Square on it's way to Pasar Seni and it'll be the most convenient mall for us. Happy buying but saddening when you look into your purse when youre home. :( Hahaa

Time to fight for dream. I'm on my way.

Love.

Comma of the day.

Glad that you girls came. I enjoyed a lot a lot chatting with you girls online yesterday. It's been quite some time since we can catch all of us 3 sitting in front of computer and typing without worries. I felt so much better after that. I'm actually quite blue these days, feeling very mentally tired. There's a lot of things bothering me, which make me really out of direction, which makes me don't know how to make things better. It's not that I'm not trying nor gave up in trying, but no matter which ways it turns, it still looks like things are not going any better. Accumulating, I really feel sometimes to leave everything behind and escape. I do not want to hurt anyone, I really don't.

After stepping into the life of college, after leaving home and  outside, I grew, I learned to talk to myself more instead. I solved many things myself, I learned how to hide my feelings, I learned how to control the battle between my heart and mind, I don't seek for people as often to tell them everything that I'm facing or I'm feeling. I try talking to myself instead, I tell myself, even if I tell them, they cant help it too, they'll just be able to be our listeners who makes us feel better for a little while after expressing. After all, you're still the one who need to face it. So I decided not to bring the troubles to them, as it sometimes happens that when we tell friends our troubles and they're not able to help us, they'll feel bad too. I don't want this to happen.

But all my 'mental problems' sink for a while during that few hours of chatting. I laughed, I joked, I teased. We as human always tend to find ways to exit from the trouble or do things to let yourselves feel better am I right, even if the happiness is short and temporary.
I'm just feeling so glad to grow in Kuala Pilah,  this small town as I've got to know a bunch of true friends that grew up, and matured together in the same class since primary up to high school and same even in the same university now. I believe the saying of 'Frienship Forever.' :)

Proudly introduce to you , KNS - Kah Ying, Nancy & Sara. :p hahaha (Form 3 time I guess) 2008

 A ohmagod photo. Hahaa. 2010

2011.

2012 Chinese New Year.

And my choir family which I always keep deep inside my heart. :)

 I designed this shirt ;p

Photo taken together with the prince after our choir has performed in the palace of Negeri Sembilan during the Pertabalan of Yamtuan of Negeri Sembilan :) 

Form 3 Interact Conference.

17th Birthday :)

The guys group during my 18th Birthday.

Steamboat gathering in a random weekend :) 2011

2012

#Cant wait to see them again tonight. I hope that the laughter and the jokes will fill the sorrows in me and I'll get better tomorrow. I know that after today, tomorrow will be easier and after tomorrow, the day after will be even more easy :)

Live for the sake of others.

Today's lesson : Live for the sake of others.

Until today, after reading the teaching and the principles, I've realized that I was so wrong all these while. Well, my actual purpose of living was actually correct but I was wrong in my way of expressing, I even consoled people wrongly.

I always used to say that we study for ourselves not others. I'm doing that for myself, not studying to please others. But, it wasn't suppose to be that way. Although in my heart my intention, the energy that pulls me forward when I face hardships and challenges is my family, though my main purpose of working that hard in studies to achieve my dreams is actually to bring a better and comfortable life for my family, I should always keep in mind that yeah, what I'm doing is for the sake of others. I mean, every moment I'm working hard, I should be thinking that I'm doing this for the sake of them, the society, the nation. It should be right that way. Everything that we do shouldn't be self- centered, individualism but for others, the universe.

Parents are the center of the family because they work hard for the sake of their children; the president is chosen to be the center of the country because he works the hardest for the sake of the people, the nation; a principal of the school is chosen as the center of a school because he or she needs to carry the responsibility to work for the sake of the teachers and students. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. The law of universe is actually to live for the sake of others, working for the sake of others. By doing that, everything will come in together, united, happiness arises, and love's in the air, world is beautiful.

Lesson learned, so it's time to practice. :)

After all

Nothing better than sitting at the living room with the pajamas and the wind blowing from the spinning fan. The peace and tranquility that is so familiar to me, the quiet that will never be awkward to me. I have to accept the fact that I'm a mummy&daddygurl. 

I skipped the orientation and I'm home.

I moved into the rented house in Sg Long two days ago. But being totally alone, the strange feelings overwhelmed me and made me extremely emotionally unstable. I realized that what fears me more isn't the feeling of loneliness but the strange feelings when you're alone at a place that you've never been before, without anyone that you know with you. I mean, totally independent. And what makes me rage it's for myself, for not having the courage to step out of my room since my mum left me, for to have milk for all the 3 meals as dare not go out and explore myself, and for being super restless and lost when got to know that non of my friends or people that I know were going for the orientation. I got very stressed up, lost and I broke down. I cried and I fell asleep. Sometimes, I really hate the fact that I sorta need to depend, rely on people. I was once a very very introverted person, will naturally remain very quiet when I'm exposed to people that I do not know, or when I'm at places that is new to me. But these years I'm making my best effort to get out of that cage and try to react boldly in all kind of situations. But sometimes I so bad as if I've not grown up.

Anyhow, I wanna dearly thank my mum for being my heroin . She arranged everything for me, and thoroughly did everything that one can do, or I would say more than that. The night before I gotta move to Sg Long I was super tired as I just got back from PJ. I kept my things but didnt finish the work completely. I was super exhausted and sister asked me to go to bed and continue my work the next day as I was only leaving at afternoon. The next morning, when I came down, I was literally surprised to see the boxes with everything nicely arranged. Oven, washed tables and chairs, tupperwares with milo, tea packs all neatly arranges, milk, confleks, everything. I was so touched that my tears came to eyes immediately. I was wondering how late did she stay up to prepare me all that despite she had to got up early for work. Thanks mom. I got your steadfast love. I am more than blessed. That's nothing I can complain more about my life, I don't wanna do that. :')

By the way, seriously needa learn how to depend in no one but yourself Sara. Remember after all, the only 3 people that will always be with you are 'Me', 'Myself' and 'I'.

Continuously bath yourself with the inner unconditional love and you'll not feel lonely though you're alone, remember.

Crown of Glory

" When I doubt people, I feel pain.

When I judge people, it is unbearable.

When I hate people, there is no value to my existence.

Yet if I believe, I am deceived.

If I love, I am betrayed.

Suffering and grieving tonight, my head in my hands.

Am I wrong?
Yes I am wrong.

Even though we are deceived, still believe,

Though we are betrayed, still forgive.
Love completely, even those who hate you.

Wipe your tears away and welcome with a smile

Those who know nothing but deceit,

And those who betray without regret."

Lovelife

It is not the first time that I've planned tons and tons of things to be done during the anticipating holidays but when the holidays approach I'm like do not know what I initially wanted to do. The only thing that I've done excessively is sleeping. Enjoyed the moments of sleeping without the need of setting alarm, without the worries of oversleeping even for 5 minutes that might probably cause me to miss the bus to campus or something. This is so cool. :)

Currently reading the autobiography of Rev Sun Myung Moon as I promised to myself to read. Getting really amazed by his holy spirit, his stubborn attitude is never giving up on things easily no matter how tough is he feeling. He had always been in the brink of death, torturing by Japanese in the prison, the communist but yet He managed to survived himself.

There's one phrase is the book, said by father of Rev Sun which literally attached me, which exactly reflects the situation I'm now, being tricked by people, which is as well bringing commotion to the life of my family and I.

"You can't change the  truth with trickery. Anything that is true will not be dominated by small trick. Anything that is the result of trickery wont go more than a few years before it is exposed." 

And this is exactly what I want to tell you. I wont be holding any enmity towards you, I wont be hating you for the insults and fake rumors that are being spread around, the pain and tears that is caused by your words nor the torment done by you. Despite of all the acts that you've done, I, forgive. BUT I swear that I would do everything to lift up my family. It doesn't matter how long would it takes for me to do so, but I swear I will definitely live a life which is far better than what you're having now, for the glory of my family , I swear. :)

I won't be paying my mind to all of these evil things, life is still beautiful in its way. I still have a lot of much more meaningful things to do. :)

Anyway, had an awesome day with some awesome people in Seremban yesterday. They came all the way from KL and Subang to this one day trip in Seremban. No matter how far is the distance, if there's a will, we're never apart. This is what friends mean :) 

And thanks to be there with us gurl. yay !

* And finally brought you out, ma bday bag :')

一份感动

昨天因刚从午觉中起来直接去吃晚餐, 所以心情有点平淡,沉默。

但那两位奶奶的举动却让我不禁笑了。

那两位奶奶时常都会出现在那。奶奶1年纪稍微大一些但性格很活泼，而且每一天都是一个人的，也许她没有孩子吧。而另一位奶奶年轻一些，但每次吃饭时都会被孩子大吼大叫，对她很无礼，看了都心寒。

昨天..我被奶奶1的举动给打动了。

奶奶2当时独自徘徊很久，应该是不知道要吃什么吧。这事奶奶1来了，大声地喊了”ah nehh, lap meja!Teh xi kosong satu'' 然后拉了在徘徊的奶奶2做了下来,并把手中的香蕉糕递给她吃。

虽然只是一个很小的举动，但坐在隔壁座的我不禁笑了。

我稍微地被奶奶们打动了。她们年纪这么大，但无依无靠。他们虽互不相识，但因为心中有爱，她们互相扶持，互相关怀。这让我再次看见了世间的美好，那奇妙的爱 。

我想起了我远方的奶奶。:( 

您一定要答应我要把身子照顾好，您的宝贝孙女再过一阵就会飞回去看您，照顾您了! :D

The Thank List for everyone of YOU.

It's April, my always favorite month! A lot of things had happened for the past few weeks and I couldn't describe better on how happy and thankful I am.

I've always been very regretful for not making my foundation life more meaningful. I didn't join the dance club as I wished so much to join, I didn't follow up the choir practices, I didn't do sports after coming here, I didn't go for extra activities besides revisions, tests and assignments. It has been quite a dull life. BUT I'm so glad and joyful that I managed to create some sweet memories before all of us head apart our own life. I'm so happy with my decision to perform in the Blast concert and the Back To Street event though it was an extreme week with 1 project 1 presentation 1 assignment and 2 tests and these 2 performances to be done in a week.  I was wondering whether I could cope with everything but yes everything went on with their own pace.
I was finally back on stage again after a year. It was really sweet when the event finishes and you're down the stage, someone you don't know approaches you and say" You sang very well just now". It is also awesome when someone you do not know suddenly FB message you and asking "Are you the girl that sang during the first performance? I enjoyed the singing very much." It is even awesome-er when you got to know so many awesome and great people through these activities. This is what matters to me the most, the friendship that grew from this.

We did it, SOAP did it.
*Thankyou for giving me the chance to experience so many beautiful things. I have always wanted to do something on stage for all of my friends but I just didn't have the courage. You guys are the most awesome band I've ever seen. A band filled with cooperation, effort, passion, faith and love. Laughter fills the air of the music. Looking forward to have more chances to work with all of you, SOAP rocks man! :) Thanks Aaron my partner of the song for being so cooperative and nice. Thanks Joseph, Joshua, Alwin and Wilfred for being so cool tooh!

It feels really nice when your friends attend the event just to support you.

*Thanks to be present on that day my dearies An qi, Sin Hui, Choon Seng, Leow, and Min Yih :) Thanks for always be with me at the moments I need you people the most. Thanks for always being my medicine.

*Big thank for being so supportive and nice always, The Fisherman. Thanks for the sweet sttikles and the intention of the Dahfa and being my best tutor always :) Continue fishing more fishes yay I can eat alot! ;p

*Thanks to be present on the Back to street event which really surprised me a lot, a lot,  Mister Jer. I was quite shocked to see you sitting down there when I was on stage. I hope that you really enjoyed the night which I was so worried and felt bad that you'll be bored as you came alone. It screwed your Starbucks Earth Hour too. I wanna tell you,  I'm very thankful. :)

* Thanks to The Wil for the chat-time which was unexpected as well :)

* Thanks Casey for always been my best mummy here, someone who really look after and care about my safety and condition here, the one that protect me alot. Alwin said this that night " If Casey knows that we brought you out for dinner we sure die. She never let me go near her one you know?" Hahaa, I felt so warm and grateful after listening to this, which is really true. Thanks my mummy best friend :)

* Thanks Enying for being with me during the revision time and everything. Thanks for trusting me much and sharing and expressing everything to me. I'm really glad to be your listener :) Thanks shirqin for always being so helpful in every circumstances and thankyou for staying so cheerful all the time. 

*Thanks my jimui ying and nancy for always been there caring about me whenever they feel I'm not feeling good. Though we're not together but their words of love is always here with me.

*And thank you for being mentally supportive and caring though you didnt expand it much :)

* Thanks Alwin for the lamest and sometimes some disgusting jokes which he actually intends to make you feel relieve and unwind you from stress. Thanks for the reviving words and the laughter that make people forget about the stress in life. I admit I cant stop laughing whenever you're around -.-

* And thanks to the new friend Kevin for whatsoever things. haha

* Thankyou so much for being so caring for dabao for me the night before the Physics test.. It's nasi lemak and ayam goreng that I love the most from the mamak near the basketball court. I was really going to starve myself as punishment as I didn't managed to finish and understand the freaking formulas. I was feeling so frustrated, stressed, teared and lost the mood to go out for anything. So I didn't went out for dinner with you.:(
I was so shocked that you brought food back for me as I thought that you have gone for dinner and then for basketball as how you said before you left the house. After the food you left again for besketball for real. It really made my day, appreciate it alot. Thankyou so much Laodai. You're really our big brother of the gang ^^

* Last but not least, thankyou for my family for always being my best anchor in life.
The unlimited love that I received from you will be the unlimited power and energy for me to love more and more people and my life.

I'm feeling so blessed to be able to feel how blissful I am, feeling so blessed to be able to have the gratitude in my heart always before it's too late.

Thanks to everyone that love me. Iloveya'll :)

Joice

Look at this!! this is the bacteria that I grew myself. It's so surprising to see this structures on the gel after a week of time which initially, it was a empty gel with some transparent dust collected by me using cotton wool from the tables of the lab. Living things are magical. There are people in this world which tends to choose death easily but there are this tiny living things which we couldn't see with our naked eye, fighting their hardest to grow. Appreciate life people, it's the most precious thing that we have. It gives us the chance to breath, to feel, to love. Even if there're really downs which make you so unbearable, but remember that everything is temporary. If you're doing well in life, appreciate it as it is not forever, and if you're having failures and downs, don't worry as it does not last long either. Make your life worth to you people. I'm making mine :)

**

Went for movie yesterday with the whole gang of hometown friends, plus another two new members Min yih and Alex.

Was so desperate to go for movie with them for a long time. They're my anchor here, the ones who make me laugh like seriously, the ones that dissipate my stress and downs. We've known each other since primary school, and had been in the same class until high school graduation, and now, university, we're still together. The friends for life. 

Anyway, wanna grab the chance to thank Jinyi for downloading me all twilight episodes and the full version of the hitting Hong Kong drama '36Oncall'. I know I will love it as it's related to the life as doctors. Passion increased*

Ahh, the cheerful gurls that always create the cheerful environment. 

An Qi: 我很可爱有没有? Hahaa.. She just couldn't stop repeating this phrase yesterday with some funny gestures which make me cant stop laughing.

**

Few days back were in a very blue emotion and it happened that on that particular day I received alot of calls. They were from mummy, after that daddy, meimei and the last one from one of my best friend Nelson, who called just after I've teared up abit over some stuffs.Thank God for arranging all this little thingy in my days to brighten me up, to make me happy. You knows everything. I was literally touched once listening to their voices. My tears came to eyes. It was so magical, so touching. It made my day, it melted my heart.

谢谢你们, 爱我的每个人。

Lab coat

Today had the first practical class in the week. Wore the nice nice lab-coat ironed by meimei. Thanks her so much for helping me to iron it after washing. Jiejie appreciate :] That's very sweet for me thats why here goes this post :)

These days I'd been quite emotionally affected over few matters but I'm feeling really good now. My thinking healed my feelings. I decided to endure and think things the other way round to make myself better. We cant have everything in life as how we wished it to happen I know. I'm truthfully feeling very blessed for everything I have now. The unhappy stuffs I'll just group it aside as the nutrients I need in order to be a stronger person. Wanna learn how to be an angelic person. hahaa :) 

Childhood in Portugal. The moments that I'll never forget. :')

Hectic

Few hours before I set out on my journey back to PJ, am writing a Birthday card to my beloved uncle who is having his birthday on 29th March. It must be written by today as it takes approximately 3 weeks to reach Portugal. Having a great help from Google translate to translate my words from English into Portuguese. Too bad that I can only write very very simple Portuguese words as I shifted back to Malaysia when I was to start my standard 2 there. Anyway, just wishing Uncle and Aunt to take care and have the best state of health always as there's when the sickness approaches easier when people get older. ><

After leaving for this time I think it'd be a lapse of time before I come home again. The life is getting busier and busier. I still have a report to be completed, tons of tutorials and revision for the test this week. After that needa get real started with the programming concept assignment as well as Physics Mini Project and the exhibition of the project. Faint* But nevermind nevermind, after one month I'd be free! Tsk tsk think of the good side think of the good side. Just long to cope well with everything and don't stress up easily. I know that I cant do better when I'm stressed. Wishing a better capability to answer the Maths tests and better score. 

Enjoyed staying at home very much, enjoyed disturbing my piggy sister when I've waken up whereas she's still sleeping though I will get scolded by her. :p Had very awesome meals and conversations with parents. 

F A M I L Y : Father and Mother I love you. :)

I think it'd be a cool week.

With pace

Overwhelming with sentiments all over my heart. I'm feeling so in love, as in the unconditional love flowingwithin me. Presently, I'm okay of sitting alone in the restaurant and have my meals alone.  I'm okay seeing people in pairs or with friends. Maybe in the whole restaurant I would be the only one sitting alone at the corner side table but I've learned to deal with it. I don't feel myself pitiful or lonely either. I talk to myself instead, I eat, I look at the phone, I observe people and I continue eating. I think this is what has been mentioned in the book, the development of unconditional love. :)

I've also learned how to deal with disappointments and failures. Though I've collapse in particular test, but I'm no longer like last time, feeling deeply hurt. I would just tell myself, never mind, there's still a chance to work out better. I'm surprised of my calmness though. Thanks Miss Phua for your advice and reviving words. They really made me grow stronger. They touched me :) 

****

I'm so thankful and grateful for the present. Thank God for the blessing YOU gave to my family. Now I could realize that if we keep the faith, never give up on things easily, everything will come to us, it's just the matter of time, but it'll come to us with their own pace. I'm so happy to see the smiley on my parents face, and I just couldn't stop imagining how our life would be. To be honest, thinking about future it's like my daily basis. I just can't wait to be successful in life and give my family a better life. I can't wait to graduate and fly back to Portugal and duty my responsibility to take care of my vovo and do something for my relatives who had always been with us though we're thousands and thousands miles apart. I just have so many dreams and wishes to be achieved! I'm shoooo excited!! :D

****

Feeling shoo glad to have known some really great and awesome people throughout this period. 

I just wanna jot down everything that made me feel good. Sincerely appreciate. 感恩 :)

                                            I think I'm growing 。

Wan Ann :)

Enjoy to have your presence here. Though it only left two nights before your depart back to Portugal but I'm gonna grab every little moments to make it memorable. I <3 you vovo :') 

Alright. Time to bed. goodnight world. Home sweet home <3

Dear Heavenly Father

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thanks for the breakthrough Father. Thanks for the genuine power and sensations I felt in my heart Father. Thanks for the tears that flown down my cheeks and cleaned my guilt and dissipated my frets and strengthened my faith. Father, I've made the commitment in my heart, I'll keep my mind straight. I love True Parents.

Awakenings

This is what I got myself with the Rm 200 book vouchers. I still paid a little extra that exceeded the amount of the vouchers. But certainly, no regrets. Here they are - Self- Help Books.
I've always used to be a Self- Help Books lover. I don't read comics or novels. I just remember reading one or two Chinese novels when I was younger and nevertheless the novels were some sort self- helping and reflecting values and inspiration. I'd never read novels about love stories or something. I prefer reading for awakenings, absorbing and instilling values to improve my personalities and thinking at the same time applying on daily basis.

The is quite a pricey book but good book and I only realized that it cost about rm70 when I was home as I didn't notice much about the price while buying as I was having the vouchers. At first when I saw this book I thought it was about how to love or about love in relationships and so didn't take much notice about this book. But then I saw

- Creating a life of Unconditional Love.

This phrase attached my attention to have a further understanding about this book and I realized it was quite a rare and worth book to read.

 What if you could live in a state of unconditional love all of the time?

If you could love people, not because they fill your needs like loneliness, hollowness, security or because they love you, but because you're connected to a state of pure love within YOURSELF? You can, when you learn to 'love for no reason'.

This is what is written at the introduction page of the book that made me wanna read to achieve the pure  love layered within myself. Nowadays the world had turn upside down and is situated in a quite sad state of affairs. If and only if there's more love and humanity connecting between people, many things could be changed certainly, the world could be admittedly beautiful for everyone.

Think about your own life. Do you ever

• reach for food, alcohol or drugs to fill an emptiness inside?
• feel frustrated and unfulfilled with your work?
• get dragged down by negative thoughts, feelings and criticisms of yourself and those around you?
• have tension and conflicts with your spouse, children, family or friends?
• experience fatigue, boredom or a sense of malaise?
• shut down your heart or push love away?
• grab on love or try to please others to get love?
• feel isolated, separated or disconnected from others and life? 

To be frank, I myself did experience some of the actions above before. And as varied as the problems may seem, they all have one underlying cause root:

We're looking for love outside ourselves and have lost touch with the unconditional love in our core.

This is briefly one of the main message in the book. For me it's quite meaningfully deep and important to practice in life.
Promised myself to keep exploring the book and keep up to achieve a life with unconditional love. :)

Dragon year 2012

                      The lovely juniors. The pet phrase of the day was : 赌博乐龙龙. Hahaa

                       My gurls. 10 years + of sisters-ship and I believe that it'll be eternal. <3

Practically it was a juicy Chinese New Year 2012. I would not say that it was a very very outstanding and hectic one but a calm and lovely one. Thanks for all the companionship of everyone of you. Love

The unity of love :)

In room alone right now. Friends of college or even my roommate have gone back for Chinese New Year. The feeling of Chinese New Year atmosphere is getting stronger and stronger for me.
Am listening to Chinese New Year songs now to entertain myself. And am wondering, why am I getting so excited for Chinese New Year? Cause can dress up prettily? Cause of the parties? Or cause of the ang pau[s] ? Realized that what really delightens me is actually the unity with my family, with relatives.
  I LOVE the feeling and warmness that spread in the air when family come along together, sitting together to watch tv in the living room or having meals together at the dining room. I really really treasure the moments. But this time I just somehow miss them so much so much. I myself feel that it's quite over thus time but I just cant help it.
To be frank, everytime when my dad or mom drop me at the bus station to back PJ, my feelings are like seriously heavy. I'm perhaps depending alot on them, I'll somehow feel like when I come back to PJ, the love surrounding me is gone. I'll like feel real alone.
But this doesn't matter already ;p I'm having one more week of holidays.

*Truly thankful to Utar to be that considerate in giving us more holidays. Initially we just had 2 days. ><
I can be at home with my family for more days now weee! <3


                               The family portrait taken on 2911 Chinese New Year. 

This year there'll one very important member joining us. VOVO! <3

来庆祝, 来祝福, 所有思恋来倾诉
一年又一年, 不管多忙碌,

家中有等你回家的父母,
就是最大的财富! 



Love,
Sara

Perturbation in my mind

Holidays, officially a history now.
Terrible homesick, like seriously.

It's almost 2 months. Time flies, my vovo is going back to Portugal soon. I truly dare not imagine how am I going to bare later on, how am I gonna adapt the days without her again. It's like you're force to separate with someone that you truly truly truly love alot. This is cruel, this is painful. My mood turned so blue and I started to feel so sad so sad just now when I was folding my clothes, looking at pieces and pieces of good clothes which were sent by my vovo , uncle and aunty as Birthday or Christmas presents all these years. I came to Malaysia on 2000 December. Since then I've never gone back to Portugal till now. Throughout these years, every of my bday and christmas will always be cherished by the calls and presents sent by them. It's like, there'll always be some people that truly love you and will never forget you though they are very far away from you. What really means for me is not solely the presents, but the feeling that makes you feel like, there're people far away remembering you, doing what they could you make you feel loved. Even if it's my sister's bday, there'll still be letter, money and presents for me as well. And, this time, will be probably vovo's last time to Malaysia as she's doing 76 this year. Don't know how long later I'll only be able to see her again. There're still 4 years of degree ahead. Correct, after these 4 years I'll go back. But 4 years, these freaking 4 years is truly long even to imagine. My vovo is like my playmate, my best friend, or another very close person as another me, my very best companionship at home. I'll grab vovo to shooping online with me, see the clothes together and discuss, she'll mend the tears in my clothes if she found out any, she'll not breakfast/lunch/dinner without us, will always wait us to eat together, will cooperate with me n sister alot, will like (translation) : " my granddaughter, vovo don't have idea what to wear..what should I wear..." when we're going for outings, will do alot alot alot of things together, like really together.

14th Jan 2012.

We've done something crazeh. I brought vovo to seremban. We took bus for about one hour and taxi for

like 20 minutes to reach the mall. Then, we went greenbox. Vovo at first didnt know that she'll be experiencing that. She just followed me and...hahaa.. She didn't know got such places with rooms specially to sing. It was her very first time. We'd alot of fun! :D

She asked me to capture a photo she holding the mic to show my uncle. hahaa.

15th Jan 2012

Yesterday sister was on bed for a very long time to fall asleep but she couldn't. After times of turning the bed upside down, she woke up and grab me and vovo to play cards- heart attack. And sure the loving vovo didn't reject. She didn't know how to play and cannot react as fast as we could but she was still holding the cards and played with us. <3

. Memories .

Even if I misses her, there're thousand and thousand miles of barrier apart. 

But.... arghh I cant wait to go back home again! :'( 

Fridayyyyyyyyyy~~~~~