Feelings Auscultation.

Oppressiveness seems to be with me every moment these days. I don't know how to do better, I don't know how to make it right, I seem to be distracted by negative thinking often, and I feel myself like a body without spirit. Waking up in the morning each day, the the first thing that come across my mind after opening my eyes is, how should I spend today productively, meaningfully. My everyday-morning-wish is, hoping today to catch up faster, concentrate and understand better and most importantly be productive. My lecture sessions are not as much as Foundation, but the workload seems to be exaggeratedly more. And I hate the fact that my pace is always that slow, it takes me lots of time to digest, and the most annoying part is that I seem to be easily distracted by thoughts when I'm doing my job these days. I am no longer studying for myself. I wanna study for God, I wanna study for True Parents, I wanna study for family, for society, for the people. I wanna cure lots of people, I wanna be a caring one that people will seek to whenever they need me, I wanna be someone in future, I don't want fame but I truly wanna spread my love to every needy. I truly truly truly hope that I could do better now, I truly truly hope that I can be really focus and absorb faster. 

I have dreams, I have missions. 

I need strength to overcome my weariness, my emotions, my stress. And, I have to say that I really don't like myself behaving like this these days. I want the cheerful, optimistic, positive, determined me back. 

When I cut my hair I told myself, let's make some changes, let's be stronger girl.

And this is my best refugee, the place that I do not want to leave whenever I get back to hometown. I love dining time, sitting together with family, having some holy songs in the air and enjoying the dinner together. In the past times, having dinner with family wasn't something that you'll truly truly treasure the value within and appreciate it thoroughly. But now, even if it's 10pm, I'll still insist to wait for mum to finish her work to have dinner together. As I'm not able to have meals with them that often now, every meals together means a lot to me.
Appreciate. All of the sudden this recollections make me a little homesick now ouch. I shall truly do my best here to make my time away from them worth it.

-Have faith that YouwillbesomeoneSara.-

Love.